Greetings and salutations my friends and welcome to another Dose of Dick as ever with me Dick Smalls. This week here at CoMH we've been visited by the PC brigade, yes the Society Concerning Really Offensive Terminology & Unfriendly Meanings (S.C.R.O.T.U.M.) came round to point out how politically incorrect we are. Apparently we don't have enough ethnics, gays and women working here and allegedly it's "morally wrong" to keep Jimmy in a cage. So this week we present columns from a gay, a black and Jimmy (for those wondering what imput women have had in this blog I'm dictating it to my pretty secretary barbie who is typing it up for your reading pleasure. So we have Hot Gossip with the very gay Zanzibar Krotchtown, If I Did It with the very black O.J. Simpson and Celebrity Down's Syndrome with the very Jimmy, Jimmy Dense. Oh and Dick's Politically Correct Picks and not so P.C. Dick's Pricks.

1. Black people

They have nice hair and Reggie Bush is a bit of a legend.

2. Gays

To help us become more tolerant of the gays we watched season one of Will & Grace which I guess is quite funny if squeaky queers taking about willys is your thing. For those of you who like me live in fear of gays I've been assured they do not prowl the streets looking for straights to rape thank god.

3. Retards

Isn't he cute? We love the special kids.

4. Women

Boobs are nice and women sure can cook good.

1. Political Correctness

Political correctness is effing gay.

2. Polar Bears

The Polar ice caps are melting, the polar bears are gonna die because they need ice to live it's all we ever here about. But why whilst watching TV did I see a polar bear going on holiday to the Canary Islands and looking like he's having a right good time?

3. Gold Scams

Seriously I'm just sick of people trying to buy my gold.

4. Lady GaGa

"Woman" with a penis, no talent, what?

Hey guys it's just super to be here, there's nothing I like more than A Dose of Dick hehe. Well this week's celebrity gossip concerns the one and only Jordan here are my top 3 Jordan rumours this week...

1. If you cut off one of her breasts three more grow in its place

2. If you say her name three times in the mirror she'll appear behind you for a photo opportunity

3. She can speak to snakes, a true sign of a dark whore.

This week I'm thinking about killing moon faced comic Michael McIntyre. If I was going to kill him this is what I'd do. I'd grab a cheese grater, move it in an up and down motion on his face and listen to the screams in that gay posho voice he has. Then I'd stab him with a potato peeler and sell his bits and pieces to an orphanage so they can have McIntyre soup. But obviously I'd never do that...would I?

Hello and welcome to my 5 favourite celebrities that look like they have the Down's.

1. Joe Cole, may actually have Down's...

2. David Schwimmer, strong possibility of Down's...

3. Kelly Osbourne, must have Down's....

4. Jamie Oliver, I'm pretty sure he was still born

5. Adam Sandler, he must have Down's...

"It's something intriguing and sensual for Rupert to react to, and Dan will be bare for that," David Yates, director, idiot, pervert. (Apparently to make Rupert Grint act well all you need is Daniel Radcliffe to get his cock out, nice!)