Monday 14 December 2009

Christmas Dick






HO! HO! HO!

Merry Christmas from everyone here at C.o.M.H. Welcome to my final blog of 2009, after next week’s award ceremony I’m off on my holidays so there won’t be anymore Dose of Dick until February. But don’t fret dear readers the blog will continue in my absence. I’ve managed to wrangle some special celebrity guest editors to step in whilst I’m away including Nelson Mandela, Gary Glitter and Derek Acorah. Well for now my friends enjoy the last Picks & Pricks of 2009, O.J.’s Christmassy murder fantasy, more Jordan rumours, Jimmy’s Christmas poo and a Christmassy Thought of the Day.




1. Jesus Christ, Superstar




Who else could you have as a pick at this time of year? Happy Birthday J.C.!

2. Santa



It’s a busy time for the big lad and we here at C.o.M.H. salute you.

3. Ryan Giggs




OK this isn’t very Christmassy but the Welsh wizard has been named the BBC’s Sport’s Personality of the Year and we here at C.o.M.H. salute you also.

4. Teletext




After nearly two decades Teletext closes down this week, you young whipper snappers with your interweb and your Pac man video games probably don’t care about Teletext but to us old geezers it meant a lot.




1. Scrooge




Damn you Scrooge and your miserly ways! Cheer up mate it’s Christmas.

2. King Herod



Leave Jesus alone you bastard!

3. Comedy Football DVDs



Danny Dyer’s Man with Ball Falls Over. Danny Baker’s Goalkeeper falls over. Ray Winstone’s Men Get Hit in Crotch with Football. Every year you can guarantee some “celebrity” pillock will release one of these god awful “hilarious” football DVDs which involves footballers falling over or not scoring goals and quite frankly I’m sick of them. Last year I got Daniel Radcliffe’s Guide to Diving and Jordan’s Balls on Chin (I’m pretty sure it was a football DVD…). If I get Donny Osmond’s Football Howler’s I will not be happy.
4. The Grinch




He stole Christmas… ‘Nuff said.




Keeping in the spirit of the season this week I’ve been thinking about how I’d kill the Grinch who stole Christmas. I think I’d probably strangle him with some tinsel. I’d then chop up his body wrap it up and give it to John Shaft of S.C.R.O.T.U.M. as a Christmas present. But I wouldn’t do that…would I?




This week: It’s Mistletoe! So any sexy lady’s that want a taste of Jimmy D. better meet me under it!





Hey guys it’s really super to be back with a set of special Christmas Jordan rumours:

1. Jordan stole Christmas
2. Jordan doesn’t want to feed the world but she does know it’s Christmas.
3. Jordan was the short fat burglar in Home Alone 1 and 2




"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included," Bernard Manning, comedian, dead, massive racist, nothing to do with turkeys

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