Wednesday 9 December 2009




Welcome to the last traditional Dose of Dick of 2009, next week we have A Dose of Christmas Dick and the week after will be the Dickies, CoMH's official award ceremony where we celebrate the best Picks and Pricks of the year and the decade. But this week it's business as usual, we've got Jimmy's poo discoveries, Zanzibar's Jordan rumours, a new fashion column with former Redcar steel worker Ned O'Reilly, more O.J. and old favourites Dick's Picks & Pricks and Thought of the Day all for your reading pleasure. And I have some very exciting news! In the new year we are launching a new blog that will feature classic Doses of Dicks from our old myspace blog so keep an eye out for Classic Dick coming to Blogger next year!



1. Chasey Lane




Yes Chet's former adult film co-star and on again off again lover is celebrating her birthday this week. She's 38 and as the great Jimmy Pop will tell you she's had alot of Dick, and now she's had A Dose of Dick to.


2. Dan Petrescu



He looks like a muppet and his name sounds like a charitable act (pet rescue geddit?), Dan we salute you. You also look alot like David Duchovny, which is cool.

3. The Stig




Yes, he wears a helmet and no one sees his face, like Darth Vader but a bit more popular. What a legend.





1. Global Warming




Yes Global Warming, the gayest thing since Liberache, is a real prick. Why should we care? Because the Polar Bears will be homeless? Seriously who gives a shit Polar Bears are pricks anyway and as I proved in the last Dose of Dick, they're quite happy to live in hot places.

2. Donny Osmond




Yes it's Donny dearests birthday this week and to celebrate this we're making him equal to Jordan on the number of Dick's Pricks appearences, one behind world record holder Daniel Radcliffe. If you insist on continuing your life Donny, you dance cheat you, then I'm gonna keep making you a prick.

3. Michael McIntryre


Yes the china man with Down's Syndrome is back, this time where he belongs in Dick's Pricks. This posh voiced, pan faced dick monkey must be stopped. We're planning on sending Brother O.J. after him so he can start a new column called "When I Did It".

4. Zhang


This man is beaten by his wife so often that he's made her sign a contract agreeing to beat him only once a week. What a Prick.



This week: The face of the Prophet Mike Huggins, all hail Mike!


Hey gang and welcome back to Hot Gossip with me Zanzibar Krotchtown, the biggest bitch in town. Here are all the latest Jordan rumours:
1. Jordan has been injected with so much botox that if a group of cannibals ate her they'd die instantly.
2. Jordan is the second in command of the Scientology and has a thetan level of one million, making her even more of a prick than Tom Cruise
3. Jordan never blinks, and she roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.

4. Jordan sleeps upside down like a bat
5. Jordan naturally faces magnetic north


This week our new fashion editor, Ned O'Reilly tells you how you can afford all the latest high street fashions:
Get a fookin' job and save your fookin' money, yer feckin' eejits!


This week I've been thinking about killing John Shaft, the head of S.C.R.O.T.U.M. I think I'd like to first shave his ginger beard and make him eat it and whilst he chokes on his thick hair I'd insert a fish in his anus because he is leathally allergic to fish, he'd have a severe alergic reaction and die. Case closed. But I'd never do that...would I?


"Once there was a complaint on my desk from the disabled unit, suggesting that my discreet milking sessions might stop a disabled person having a wee." Rosie Millard, former BBC employee who breast fed John Humphries, allegedly.

No comments:

Post a Comment