Thursday 3 December 2009






Oh Mr. Smalls with these continual blog updates you are really spoiling us! Yes I'm back by popular demand. Yesterday's blog was well recieved and people were just demanding more blackness, more gayness and more Jimmy and of course more of Jimmy's poo!






1. Ozzy Osbourne







Yes Ozzy is 61 this week and as the father of one of our Down's Syndrome celebs it seems only right to have him as a pick! Ozzy we salute you.



2. The Ginger One out of Girl Bands




This week I recieved a letter from young Jason of Cockermouth, England. He wrote in asking that I make the ginger one in girl bands a pick because they don't get the credit they deserve. Of course we all know that being ginger is actually a sin according to the Gospel of Mike so if you know young Jason, the ginger sympathiser, you must bring him to justice. He should be easy to track down as he'll be so happy he got mentioned in A Dose of Dick he'll be bragging to everyone, so find him my fellow Huggynites and we shall sacrifice him to the gods!



3. Duke Powell







Good old Duke, what a legend! If you don't know who he is you're pretty lame.






1. John Shaft






Yes John Shaft is the head of S.C.R.O.T.U.M. the group of P.C. do-gooders that imposed their devilish sanctions on the Dickster this week. He tried to force he backward "tolerance" ideas on us but we stood up to him and told him there's no room for tolerance here at CoMH. S.C.R.O.T.U.M. might have thought they had Dick by the balls but Dick's harder than that and in the end we stand taller than John Shaft and his S.C.R.O.T.U.M. crusade!



2. Mr. Monster Munch







This is Chris Hunt, he likes Monster Munch, he has it for breakfast, dinner and tea. He says things like this:

"I used to just eat three bags of roast beef a day, but I decided I needed a bit of variety in my life, so now I vary the flavours between breakfast, lunch and dinner." He is a prick. Everyone knows Wotsits are better than Monster Munch.


3. Thierry Henry





Yeah we're a bit slow on the uptake on this one but millions of our Irish readers have been e-mailing us insisting we make him a prick because he used his hands in a game of soccer ball which apparently you shouldn't do.






This week: Osama bin Laden that's why America can't find him!






Hey guys back the big Z is back with the latest Jordan rumours!

1. Jordan is not biodegradable so when she's dead we'll still be stuck with her rotting plastic corpse on the front of OK magazine.


2. When Jordan farts it sounds like Peter Andre's smash hit Mysterious Girl


3. She is is cryogenically frozen beneath the Pirates of the Caribbean


4. Jordan was violated by a fish


5. Jordan was seen in Dallas in 1963 when a certain president drove by


6. Jordan only has one testicle







Today I've been thinking what it would be like to kill Jordan. This is what I'd do... I'd make a trail of semen from Jordan's house to a bonfire in my back garden. I'd then hit her over the head with a life size replica of Peter Andre's penis. When she regains conciousness she'll realise she's being slowly burned alive whilst Peter Andre break dances on her recently removed breasts. Once she's melted down I'll whittle her in to a candle and give it to Peter as an early Christmas present. But I wouldn't do that really...or would I?





"I make sure I eat a balanced diet. I just don't want to give up Monster Munch. I loved them when I was a lad and when they brought out the new retro packs I must admit my heart skipped a beat," Mr. Monster Munch, crisp fanatic, complete retard.

No comments:

Post a Comment