The Dickies!

Hello and welcome to the first annual Dicky Awards, CoMH's annual celebration of all that's Picky and Pricky. Sorry for the delay in posting them but Chet arranged our Christmas Party and we've been trapped in an Amsterdam Sex Dungeon since Christmas Eve. If Jimmy hadn't found that skeleton key in his poo I don't know how we would have escaped...Anyway on to the Dickies!

Religious Pick of the Year

3rd Place: Angels

Everyone I'm sure remembers that angels can help you find guinea pigs and diabetes and for that we salute them once again.

2nd Place: Jesus

Yes everyone's favourite Messiah drops to second place this year, which religious icon could possibly have beaten him?

The Winner: The Prophet Mike Huggins

Who else could win Religious Pick of the Year, yes it's our very own Prophet Mike, the man who led to the creation of CoMH. Praise Mike for he is the light of our lives.

Religious Prick of the Year

3rd Place: Fitz Nobble

Religious nonce and former CoMH employee Fitz caused controversy this year when he started bumming Albino's. He also did bad things to brother O.J. when they were in prison...Fitz is currently on the run and we appeal to anyone who knows where he is to turn him in.

2nd Place: King Herod

Just leave Jesus alone you bastard, if Herod had his way there would be no Christmas or Easter is that what you want people?

The Winner: The Pope

He's still encouraging the Africans to catch AIDS and he's still being a major douche, so that makes him my religious prick of the year!

"Celebrity" Pick of the Year

3rd Place: Jedward

Jedward broke all records this year when they became the first Prick to become a Pick, we salute you boys.

2nd Place: Grinty

Grinty (a.k.a. the disgusting ginger one from Harry Potter or Ron Weasley to his friends) broke all records this year when he became the second Prick to become a Pick which led to Daniel Radcliffe taking the lead in the all time Prick ratings.

The Winner: Peter Andre

It's been a tough year for Pete, he realised he was married to Jordan the most repugnant creature in the universe but now he's ditched her and we've made him our celebrity pick of the year.

"Celebrity" Prick of the Year

5th Place: Donny Osmond

This is the most hotly contested award and it was hard to pick a "winner". Donny gets his place in the list for screwing me over on Dancing with the Stars.

4th Place: Lady Gaga

Seriously...what the hell?

3rd Place: Lily Allen

Face like a pug with Down's, voice like being raped by an AIDS infected horse, what is her appeal?

2nd Place: Cheryl Cole

You know why she's here, I know why she's here and hopefully by now she'll know why she's here.

The Winner: Jordan

She held the top place in Dick's Pricks for 4 record breaking consecutive weeks, she broke Pete's heart and today she's played by a dog in a tuxedo, yes it's Jordan. Big surprise eh?

Acting Pick of the Y ear

3rd Place: The Hoff

Legend 'nuff said.

2nd Place: Michael Sheen

Damn fine actor, damn fine.

The Winner: Phil off Eastenders

The finest actor the world has ever produced is like fine wine, he gets better with age. As a great man once said "I shit the Mitchell brothers" and I'd be very proud to shit Phil off Eastenders very proud indeed.

Acting Prick of the Year

3rd Place: Cedric from Harry Potter

You are no actor sir and I must insist you stop pretending.

2nd Place: Danny Dyer

Perhaps you just need to find the right role eh Danny? I'd find it believable if you played a mentally handicapped yob that enjoys comedy football DVDs...

The Winner: Daniel Radcliffe

First ten minutes of Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix that's all I'm saying.

Sports Pick of the Year

5th Place: Jenson Button

Well done Jenson, if we actually cared about Formula 1 you'd probably have won sports pick of the year to.

4th Place: Reggie Bush

Reggie, Reggie, Reggie!

3rd Place: Hulk Hogan

Hulkamania is back!

2nd Place: Brian Clough

Dead but not forgotten, what a legend.

The Winner: Ryan Giggs

Mainly just so we can show that picture again HAHAHAHAHA!

Sports Prick of the Year

5th Place: Doug Osmond

No one knows who you are and that's why you're a prick.

4th Place: Newcastle United

HAHAHAHAHA it's still funny.

3rd Place: Comedy Football DVDs especially Danny Dyer's

Why do you do it Danny? They are not funny, Man Fall's Over Ball is just terrible....

2nd Place: Terry Henry

I will never use a Henry hoover again because of you Terry! I'm gonna have to hire an illegal immigrant to clean my office because of you Terry! Oh and you did something involving Soccerball and the Irish you bastard.

The Winner: Tiger Woods

We all looked to you, and you just slept with women. You let us all down.

Celebrity Sex Offender of the Year

2nd Place: Gary Glitter

It's a surprise but Gary only makes it to number 2 in a year where all he's really done is get hanged on Channel 4. Better luck next year Gary.

The Winner: Josef Fritzl

Is he a celebrity sex offender or is he just a celebrity because he's a sex offender? I guess it doesn't matter in this celebrity obsessed time, well done Josef you disgusting excuse for a man.

Pick of the Year

3rd Place: Cockermouth

You know it's still funny.

2nd Place: Little Jimmy Osmond

Maybe next year Jimmy, maybe you'll be number one.

Winner: Peter Andre

Pete deserves this, he's had sex with Jordan and no good man deserves that and Mysterious Girl is a damn fine song.

Prick of the Year

5th Place: Polar Bears

HAHA the polar ice is melting...

4th Place: John Shaft and his S.C.R.O.TU.M.

John Shaft is a monumental prick and I laugh at his attempts to ban my blog.

3rd Place: Donny Osmond

I should have won that Glitterball trophy, damn you Donny!

2nd Place: Daniel Radcliffe

In our hearts you'll always be a prick and a talentless "actor".

Winner: Jordan/ Katie Price

This time played by the Elephant Man who is at least ten times as sexy as Jordan. You know why she's the prick of the year.

Most Important Person What Died This Year:

5th Place: Which ever wrestler dies nearest to publication of this article

This is likely to change at any moment so you can add your own name. We commiserate the passing of (insert dead wrestlers name here), we'll miss you buddy.

4th Place: Patrick Swayze

Rest in Peace noble sir.

3rd Place: Stephen Gately

We still miss you

2nd Place: Pauline off Eastenders

Heaven is lucky to have you

Winner: Michael Jackson

May you moonwalk in paradise for all eternity

Man of the Decade

Winner: Phil off Eastenders

No one comes close to Phil off Eastenders he is CoMH's Man of the Decade, long may he continue to be a better actor than Ross Kemp.

Prick of the Decade

Winner: Jeremy Kyle

The Prick who must not be named. The dark prince of douchery. Yes an arsehole so Prickish he's never been a Dick's Prick because it just doesn't seem a big enough insult. He is the gypsy prince that taunts the thick and poor. You are the biggest prick of all Jeremy.