Monday 27 April 2009

The Lost Dose of Dick

A Dose of Dick



with Dick Smalls


Greetings my fellow Huggynites and welcome to the latest Dose of Dick with me Dick Smalls. All your usual favourites are here iincluding Dick's Picks and of course our words of wisdom. As usual we kick off with the latest church goings on. You might have noticed we've been very quiet over the Easter period. That's because of the CoMH boycott Easter every year. We are so sick of hearing all that Jesus Mumbo jumbo. The Prophet Mike Huggins was crucified back in '83 and you don't hear him still complaining about it like some other religious icons. This week we welcome the newest member of our team, Siegfried Slackerman who joins us from that whacky team the New Time Order. Siegfried is taking over my old job as the head of Public Relations and I'm sure we'll hear more from him in the future. Not much else is happening here at the CoMH at the moment, Jimmy ate a red wax crayon yesterday and Chet's back in rehab but that's about it.

Dick's Picks:

1. The Queen




God bless you your majesty, happy birthday and keep queening it up.

2. Reggie Bush


Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!

3. The Fonz





Sunday, Monday, Happy Days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days.
Thursday, Friday, Happy Days.
The weekend comes,
My cycle hums,
Ready to race to you.

These days are all,
Happy and Free. (Those Happy Days)
These days are all,
Share them with me. (oh baby)
Goodbye grey sky, hello blue.
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.
Feels so right, it can't be wrong.
Rockin' and rollin' all week long.

Dick's Pricks:

1. Cobra Beer Idents


We here at CoMH spend a lot of our days watching repeats of Top Gear on Dave, well I mean Chet looks a lot like James May. We also enjoy the odd evening of comical entertainment. But why oh why must Cobra Beer ruin it with the dreadful idents. You aren't funny. My fellow Huggynites please boycott Cobra Beer, Chet drank it once and now he's an alcoholic do you want to end up the same?

2. Contestants on Deal or No Deal


Deal or No Deal is just opening boxes. There is no skill. No stategy. You open a good box or a bad box. Stop acting like you have a plan you bloody fools!

3. The Idiots that write jokes on Penguins (the popular chocolate biscuit)



Why can't a penguin fly?
Because it can't afford a plane ticket.
That's not a joke, that's the first sign of mental illness. A good joke would be what does a Mexican fire chief call his two sons? Hose A and Hose B!!!!!! Genius, Taco told me that one. My wife wrote jokes for Penguins and now she's a filthy lesbian. And a prick.

Words of Wisdom:
"In the beginning, we were all fish. Okay? Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and made this retard frog-sqirrel, and then *that* had a retard baby which was a... monkey-fish-frog... And then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey, and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey... and that made you! So there you go! You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!"

Peace & Love
Dick Smalls

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