Merry Fucking Christmas

Merry Christmas my fellow Huggynites and welcome to a Christmas Day Dose of Dick with me Dick Smalls. Things have been a bit hectic here at C.o.M.H. Towers but we are glad to be back in business with our second annual Christmas special. This Christmas has pretty much been the worst in living memory. Despite the fact we gave him a job that cheap bastard Danny Dyer gave us all a copy of his latest comedy football DVD "Man with Ball Falls Over... Twice," the less said about the Rev the better but it seems unlikely he'll be returning to the blog anytime soon and Ned (you remember Ned he was the Irish fashion "expert" character we used that one time) was disagnosed with AIDS and now he's dead so he won't be coming back either. But good news 2011 will see a total relaunch of A Dose of Dick with some new and better people and it'll all be a bit less shit. Anyway this is the bit where have a go at people that probably don't deserve it. Enjoy a festive Dose of Dick!






1. Jesus


Happy birthday Jesus! Woohoo.



2. Father Christmas



Yeah Father Christmas again. So what if we had the same picks as last Christmas who were you expecting? The Prophet Mohammed? Do you want us to be responsible for another 9/11? Well do you? No? Then stop your bitching and except we just phone it in at Christmas.



1. Snow



Damn you snow! With your coldness and your ability to make things all white.

2. Ice


Damn you ice with your coldness and your ability to make things slippy.





Look it's Cliff at Christmas, yay!



This Christmas in my poo I found the missing piece of my Lego Pirate Ship which means I can play pirates now!



Ah Grinty you do suit this very Christmassy look you ginger beauty.




"Redcar council has ruled that the town cannot have a nativity scene. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Dick Gets Hard Again!

Greetings and salutations my fellow Huggynites and welcome back to old school A Dose of Dick with me Dick Smalls. It's good to be back where we belong here on the orginal Church of Mike Huggins blog. We've caved in to popular demand and we will be covering this years X Factor putting our divine powers behind our favourite contestant. You can follow our live coverage of X Factor over on Twitter by following ADoseOfDick or by becoming friends with me on Facebook. We're a bit behind with our report on last week's X Factor so please forgive us! Randy also returns to A Dose of Dick with a new section "The Tool Report" in which he gives us the latest news on what the tools we hate the most are up to. Oh and we've got some new Cliff and Grinty for you. Enjoy Dick Gets Hard On... The X Factor


Hey gang,
I'm joined by all your C.o.M.H. favourites to bring you our expert opinions on this years X Facor. We'll bring you in depth analysis of our favourite acts and blindly criticise those we just don't like. We'll also mention just how much we hate Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue who are bonafide Dick's Pricks. First up Randy gives his opinion on Cher.



Apparently the recent act F.A.S.T. campaign didn't work 'cause this slighty faced tone death cow has had more strokes than a chronic masturbator. The last two Saturday nights have seen hate filled tweets fill Twitter all aimed at this irratating mong. Well I fucking hate her, she's a mini Cheryl and she can't fucking sing. Oh Cher MC Hammer called he wants his pants back.

Next Chet discusses Mary and his erectile disfunction


It was the drink you see. It stopped my pecker from springing to life. But then Saturday night it was reborn. Mary is a very handsome woman and she has a voice like Viagra. Her performance last Saturday was orgasmic at least for me.

Dick gets hard on Diva Fever


We had asked the Rev to review Diva Fever but he went off in a mad rage about the GayBo Agenda and we found him walking the streets in his underwear holding a packet of Kleenex roaring that it doesn't make him gay. We're not sure what "it" is but we've let him have the week off. Diva Fever... well they were camp weren't they? What else can you say.

Zanzibar on Aiden


Ummm he's a real dreamboat. I wouldn't mind having him all to myself whilst wearing that lovely straight jacket from last week's show. You wouldn't be able to escape me then.

Merton judges Katie


Oh look it's the world most unoriginal original performer. Yeah she wants to be penis wielding tranny Lady Gaga we get it. But she can't sing and her frigging chin makes her looks like the Joker. Fuck you Katie you shit bag.

Jimmy on Nicolo


The scary mental man makes me cry!

And now for the big one! We here at C.o.M.H. Tower are proud to support our favourite. The one the only Josef Fritzl! Josef has had a tough few years and we're glad he's trying to move away from all that incest sex dungeon business and put his talents to good use. Good luck Josef we believe in you and so does Mike!




This week Cliff is looking shit hot in the pool.







Welcome to the first Tool Report with me Randy Badger. This week I'm reporting on C.o.M.H.'s biggest tool greasy sex fiend Daniel Radcliffe. I was reading this week that the talentless little shit wants to bang some dancers he's working with.


This is what the monkey Scrotum had to say:

The 21-year-old, who reportedly lost his virginity at 16 to a Harry Potter hairdresser seven years his elder, told Dazed & Confused magazine: "I've been in relationships from the age of 14 and now I'm single. I said to a friend the other day, 'Dude, I'm doing a show with dancers. I've got to be single.' He was like, 'Don't sleep with anyone in your show. That's a mistake.' It's good advice. But I'm not sure I'll stick to it."

What a creepy fucking little prick he really is. He's a grade A tool.


We now move on to a better class of actor. It is of course the legendary Grinty enjoy his beauty in this delightful image.


Well gang I hope you enjoyed the latest A Dose of Dick, we'll be back next week and follow our X Factor commentary on Twitter.

Peace & Love

Dick Smalls

How To Spot A Gay

Greetings to all that readeth The World of Dick. Reverend Black here once more. This time around I will guide you in the war against the GayBo alliance (the allegiance between the gays and the lesbos). We all know of course that the GayBos were put on this earth by the Devil to corrupt the pure and the innocent. With the help of my able assistants Daniel Dyer and Orange Juice Simpson I now present you a guide on how to spot one of these bum banditos.

1. An unhealthy interest in musicals


Does the gentleman in question own anything by Andrew Lloyd Webber? Does he know that Les Miserables is a musical and not a nickname for the French world cup squad? Does he find John Barrowman entertaining rather than irratating? Then you've got a gay.

2. Too much Vaseline on the shelf?


How much is too much? Any amount of Vaseline is too much for a norm. Check the share prices of the Vaseline company, have they gone up constantly in the time your male friend has been sexually active. If they have then well sir you have a gay.

3. Leather clothing


Only gays wear leather that is an elemental law of the universe. So if your buddy has taken to wearing leather shorts, you've got a gay. If he's matching his leather shorts with any sort of sleveless top then you've got a super gay and better get yourself tested for AIDS straight away because as we all know, just coming into contact with a super gay is enough to catch the disease.

4. Regular HIV tests


AIDS or the gay disease to give it it's scientific name is only caught by gayness. If your male friend is heard saying "gee whizz I'm nervous about my latest AIDS test," then you've got yourself a gay. Load up the shotgun and put him out of his misery.

5. Worshipping at the feet of the King Gay


The gays have a king, a man so gay that both his first and last names sound suspiciously similar to slang terms for penis (cock and wang do you see?). If you ever hear your male friend so "I sure wish that Gok Wan would do me!" then my friend you've got a gay.


"Never turn your back on a gay. The average gay thinks about raping a norm every 7 seconds."


"Being gay makes god cry. Look at all those celebrity gays, Elton John, Matt Lucas, The Village People, Right Said Fred, they've all made god cry that's why we have floods. Sodomy causes tsunamis."

There are of course several other ways of spotting gays and I'm sure your familiar with them all. Together we can get rid of all these heathens and fill the world with the church loving people like Catholics and Muslims who never do anything wrong.

Peace & Love

Reverend Black



To Catch A Pervert with Chet Ajabagger & Mike Van Dyke
Randy's Soap Box with Randy Badger
Going Down To Poo Town with Jimmy Dense
How To Spot An Ethnic Minority with Reverend Black

Welcome Back To The World of Dick

Hello and welcome to the first proper entry under the new regime here at C.o.M.H. with me Randy Badger. What can you expect from the new blog? Well we've got your old favourites and some new goodies. He may be writing his memoirs but Dick will still be bringing you his picks and pricks, Jimmy returns with more poo based hijinx and we've got the good old fashioned Thought of the Day. The Rev will be returning with more of his helpful guides to live a pure life and Dear Randy returns. Also I'll be bringing you Randy's Soap Box where I rant about the things I hate, Chet and M.V.D. will be exposing the internet's perverts in To Catch A Pervert with the C.o.M.H. team's latest addition Tiffanee Smythe and of course we will be presenting exerts from Dick's memoirs. Hopefully you'll enjoy the new World of Dick as much as you enjoyed the original. This week we have a fresh dose of Dick's Picks and Pricks, Jimmy's Poo of the Week, History's Biggest Retards, someone else we'd like to return as a zombie, more Grinty goodness and of course Thought of the Day.




1. Edward Grimes



Not sure which one he is, but one of the Jedwards made an inappropriate joke at the expense of C.o.M.H. favourite Cheryl Cole which was hilarious, we of course hope she recovers from malaria so Zanzibar can return to slagging her off.


2. Phil off Eastenders


C.o.M.H. man of the decade Phil off Eastenders continues to astound me with his brilliance, not only is he the finest actor of his generation in this week's Eastenders he proved he can sing like an angel.




1. The England Soccerball Team


Yeah we've been out of action here at C.o.M.H. for a while and we've missed most of the International SoccerBall Championships but we haven't forgotten what pricks England were.


2. The Hose Pipe Ban



OK I've been locked in my office constantly writing my memoirs so I haven't found much to be angry about, so I'm scrapping the barrel with this one. Damn that pesky hose pipe ban!



Welcome to my new poo based series. Each week I'll provide what I consider to be my poo of the week.

#1 The Poo Splatter Bomb

Well this is probably the last time we'll do this feature so we have something special for this week, this picture embodies everything we love about Grinty. Enjoy!

#2 L. Ron Hubbard

Yes the sci fi writer and founder of Scientology easily makes it on to our list of biggest retards. He writes books about aliens and then founds a religion based on these ideas, fucking retard. Although there is no way of proving that the child molesting idiot actually believed this crap but those that do are just as retarded as he is.






I was thinking the other day what would be better than a zombie puppet show? So this week I'm wishing that Rod Hull would return as a zombie.



"I'm like Cheryl's twin because I hurt myself. She hurt herself. Two great people hurting themselves. It's going to be a big funeral... Just messing!" Edward Grimes, creepy Irish stereotype, singer

Until next time...
Peace & Love
Randolph Badger


Coming Soon

To Catch A Pervert with Chet Ajabagger & Mike Van Dyke

How To Spot A Homo with Reverend Black