Saturday 27 February 2010

It SOOO Was You!


Hello and welcome to the second of Mike's Minis. This week we're examining the Shaggy Case. What is the Shaggy Case? Well in 2001 Mr. Shaggy and his co-conspirator RikRok released a musical single called "It Wasn't Me" in which they deny being responsible for various sexual acts. I have gathered a great deal of proof to show you that in fact it was him, what I will present to you now will prove without a shadow of a doubt that Shaggy and yes even RikRok are randy buggers.

Well let's start with the lyrics which are the biggest indications that it was all a lie. Here is the opening exchange between Messrs Shaggy and Rok.

"Rok: Yo', man
Shaggy: Yo'
Rok: Open up, man
Shaggy: What do you want, man?
Rok: My girl just caught me
Shaggy: You let her catch you?
Rok: I don't know how I let this happen
Shaggy: With who?
Rok: The girl next door, you know
Shaggy: Man
Rok: I don't know what to do
Shaggy: Say it wasn't you"

How can anyone possible suggest it wasn't him after hearing that? Perhpas further lyrics will prove his innocence.

"To be a true player you have to know how to play
If she say a night, convince her say a day
Never admit to a word when she say makes a claim
And you tell her baby no way".

Pretty much an admission there wouldn't you say? It would appear that Shaggy possesses some kind of mental power to convince women what they see isn't true. I think it's safe to say that Mr. Shaggy is a threat to world security.

Let's look at some photo evidence. This is what Shaggy looks like:


Can you really trust a man that looks like this? Here is quite clearly trying to use his telepathic abilities. We can not believe this man, if he says it wasn't him then it obviously was him. Can we find anymore evidence in the video to show these men are guilty of these sexual crimes? How about this?


Photographic evidence! Case closed!!

The Mini Voice of The People

C.G.B. Spender writes: "Even his name "Shaggy" sounds like a hollow sexual boast. It was so obviously him, I don't know how he has the nerve to deny it."

funzonefan writes: "Yes it was him, he uses his abilities to trick women into bed."

Mr X writes: "Seriously what the hell are you talking about? It wasn't Shaggy it was RikRok, Shaggy's just trying to give him advice in a no win situation. Don't go giving Shaggy a hard time, Angel was a pretty sweet song. Screw RikRok though. He's just a dirty b'stard!"

Tuesday 23 February 2010

Dude Looks Like A Lady

Welcome to the first of Mike's Minis, a new series of mini articles dedicated to the lighter side of conspiracy theories. The stories covered in Mike's Minis are just harmless fun aimed at keeping my dedicated readers entertained until I expose the next global conspiracy. So on we go with our first mini investigation.

Is Lady GaGa a Man?

Is Lady GaGa not really a lady at all? There is quite a bit of evidence to suggest that the popular singer is packing something in her downstairs region that shouldn't really be there. Is she perhaps a hermaphrodite? Or a man in drag? For legal reasons I'm not going to draw any conclussions on this matter but I'll leave you with some photographic evidence so you can make up your own mind...








The Mini Voice of the People

C.G.B. Spender writes "If she's a woman then I'm going gay."

Mr. X writes "she's totally a dude."

funzonefan writes "GaGa's got a bigger chopper than my mum."

Next time on Mike's Minis: Shaggy - was it him?

Monday 22 February 2010

Don't Return To Sender



The Michael Van Dyke Casebook:


Elvis Lives!!!

Welcome to another Michael Van Dyke investigation. This week I've been focusing once again on the so called "death" of a musical icon. Elvis Presley was the king of rock and roll and allegedly died on the toilet in 1977. Of course this is what the Shadow Government want you to believe. But the truth is quite different!

Is Elvis dead? Well if he is then I've been wasting my life trying to discover truths that don't exist. In my honest opinion I believe that Elvis Presley faked his own death to escape the media spotlight and as usual I have compelling evidence to prove this. Read on if you can handle the truth...


The Wax Body of Elvis Aron Presley


How do you fake the death of one of the most famous men in the world? Simple you create a wax sculptor of him and shove it in a coffin!


Elvis had a custom made coffin that weighed over 900 pounds and was reported to be "unusually cool", carrying an air conditioning unit to prevent wax Elvis melting perhaps?

Elvis was on display for the public who noted his waxy looking face, one of Presley's sideburns actually fell off and the body was seen "sweating" or more likely melting! The body was also noted to have girly, pudgy hands which doesn't quite fit with the black belt holding Elvis.


Elvis weighed 250 pounds when he "died" yet on his death certificate it alledges he weighed only 170 pounds, perhaps because he was now little more than wax!



Further Evidence

Hours after Presley's death was announced to the world a man who looked alot like the king was seen ordering a plane ticket to Argentina under an alias reguarly used by Elvis.

A friend of Presley recieved a call from Elvis two days before his apparent death telling her not to believe anything she heard about him in the coming days, a polygraph test proved she was not lying.

A friend of Elvis, Lucy de Barbin, received a single rose in the mail on the day after Elvis' alleged death from "El Lancelot", a secret pet name no one else knew.

Elvis' life insurance policy has never been claimed to this day, a little strange don't you think?

Elvis had a big thing for numbers (a bit like our old friend Tupac and the number 7 eh?). Adding the numbers contained in the date of his alleged death equals 2001, the title of Presley's favourite movie, 2001!



It has been scientifically proven that the signature on Presley's death certificate is that of the king himself do you see?

All photographs from the scene of his death and toxicology reports have all mysteriously disappeared...convieniant eh?

There is a great deal of evidence to suggest that Elvis has taken on the identity of his stillborn twin brother Jesse with both his half sister Eliza Alice Presley and Dr. Donald Hinton (who testified in a court of law that he co-wrote his book about Elvis with "Jesse") confiiming this.

Many of Elvis Presley's most prized possessions disappeared following his death...perhaps he took them with him?

DNA tests have proven that the Elvis that died was not the same Elvis that the world loved, hard to deny that proof isn't it? Check out Bill Beeny's Elvis' DNA Proves He's Alive here


And how about our old favourite trick of rearranging letters. What happens when you start to jumble the letters of Elvis around. Well you get to the truth of this case. Elvis becomes lives what more could you possibly want?

Elvis: Where is he now?

1. The Bubba Ho-Tep Theory


According to author Joe R. Lansdale Elvis swapped places with an Elvis impersinator in the 1970s after growing tired with the fame game. This impersinator was the one who died and with all documentation proving that he was not the real Elvis lost the authentic Presley was unable to reclaim his position as the king of rock and roll and was forced to become an Elvis impersinator himself.

2. Elvis & The Planet of The Apes

According to the Daily Sport, Britain's finest boob orientated newspaper Elvis faked his death and then became a movie extra and he was spotted playing an ape in Tim Burton's re-imagining of The Planet of The Apes.



3. Special Agent Presley

Elvis joined forces with Richard Nixon and joined what is now the DEP (Drug Enforcement Agency) and led the war against drugs. He faked his death so he could continue this work in secret!



4. Elvis didn't want to be "Sleeping With The Fishes"

Elvis was an enemy of the Mafia and was forced to fake his death to avoid being killed by them.


The Voice of the People

Once again we have had plenty of input from our friends in the Truth Movement community and once again I present you a selection of the most interesting e-mails I've recieved on this case.

C.G.B Spender writes: "I'll say it again Illuminati! They needed Elvis for their plans. If you want to control the people you take their king!"

Joe from the Illuminati writes "I can tell you one thing it certainly had nothing to do with the Illuminati, in fact they don't even exist."

funzonefan writes "I'm telling you there's an island where all the celebrities that fake their deaths go and live. Tupac's there, Michael Jackson, Hitler, Jesus and Elvis must be there to!"

trustno1 writes "I'd be sued for suggesting that Elvis was romantically involved with a pot bellied pig called Clarence so I won't. But imagine if you were the most famous rock star in the world and you were involved in a bestial relationship that the world could never accept. Surely faking your death would be the only way you can keep that relationship going?"

Hounddog65 writes "Elvis is alive and we're friends. We have Singstar parties every week and he always gets the highest score on Suspicious Minds."

the_king writes "I've seen Elvis, he's still alive. He was kidnapped by aliens who needed a messiah. They brought him back last week"

theREALelvis writes "Seriously I'm dead and have been for quite some time."

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Once again I leave you with undeniable photo evidence. Can you deny Elvis lives after reading this? Of course you can't!






Next time: The first part of our epic in depth look at the greatest conspiracy of them all, Paul is Dead.

Friday 19 February 2010

Oh Yeah It's Your Birthday


Greetings my fellow Huggynites and welcome to another Dose of Dick. Yesterday was of course exactly one year since I first gave the world A Dose of Dick and to celebrate that fact there will be a special birthday edition of ADOD which will look back at the last 12 months and remembering the good times. But today it's business as usual we've got Picks, Pricks, Jimmy's Poo, Cliff's Pictures, Zanzibar's Hot Gossip and Thought of the Day. Enjoy!



1. Phil off Eastenders

Yes tonight's the big one! To celebrate 25 years of the world's most depressing show there will be a live episode where we find out which moody git murdered another moody git on Christmas Day. Everyone here is hoping it's our Man of the Decade, Phil off Eastenders and to show our support we're having him as a pick.
2. Doug Fieger

Frontman with the Knack and co-writer of the greatest song ever written ever (My Sharona obviously) passed away on Valentine's Day. This sucks so we're paying tribute to the man with this honour of making him a Dick's Pick.




1. Paul Cooper


Paul is an amateur footballer for Hawick United. He recently managed to recieve six red cards in one match, quite an impressive tally. For this we must give him a slow hand clap and sing bout how his wife takes it up the Arsenal. Silly football man.

2. Elton John




Mr. John has recently suggested Jesus Christ, the Messiah, man with a full manly beard is a gay. Now I'm not having this. Candle in the Wind was an ok song if you like that kind of thing which I don't personaly but you can't not suggest Jesus was a sausage factory just because he spent most of his time with men and never had a girlfriend and knew all the steps in the Y.M.C.A. dance doesn't make him a gay. No Elton, no.



This week Cliff's cooking up some stew in his favourite pot. Go Cliff, go!



This week: A ten pence piece from 1990, you know back when they were a bit bigger...



Hello my lovelies Zanzibar Krotchtown here with more hot celebrity gossip. We've recently recieved an injunction preventing us preventing any Jordan gossip for a month so this week we have the latest rumours on Cheryl Cole.

1. Cheryl Cole's breath smells of magnesium, and that she’s scared of bells...
2. Cheryl Cole's heart is in upside down, and her teeth glow in the dark...

3. Cheryl Cole's ears aren’t exactly where you’d expect them to be, and once, preposterously, she had an affair with John Prescott...

"Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one. When you gonna give me some time, Sharona?Ooh you make my motor run, my motor run. Gun it comin' off the line SharonaNever gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touchof the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona...," Doug Fieger, legend
Peace & Love
Dick Smalls

Tuesday 9 February 2010

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Welcome to the first official proper Dose of Dick of the new decade. It's good to be back doing what I do best, blogging. Next week we celebrate the first anniversary of A Dose of Dick with Dick Smalls and boy am I looking forward to it! Anyway this week we've got Picks & Pricks, Jimmy's Poo, Cliff Richard Picture of the Week and Words of Wisdom! Enjoy!



1. Peter Andre


http://celebrityandworld.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/peter-andre.jpg

Poor Pete's been having a tough week what with his ex (the she beast who must not be named) remarrying and Sky making him cry. Well everyone here at CoMH sends our love and best wishes to our favourite plastic man.

2. Reggie Bush

http://blog.kir.com/archives/reggie%20bush%20leaping3.jpg

Reggie Bush, Superbowl, something, something woooo!

3. Michael Van Dyke's Truth Movement

http://www.jeffpidgeon.com/uploaded_images/Invisible-Man-780294.jpg

Our good friend Michael Van Dyke has joined us here at blogger and has lauched his own blog Don't Believe The Truth which can be found here: http://michaelvandyke.blogspot.com/ check it out it's dead cool.


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1. Jordan/Katie Price

http://kapetank.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/9780a_sad-clown1.jpg

Yes that evil woman (these week played by a sad clown) has once again broken Pete's heart and equalled Daniel Radcliffe's record for appearances on the Prick Down.

2. The Wrath of God

http://blogofearthandaltar.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/god_is_angry_2007-06-18-17-30.jpg

Snow, ice, earthquakes, floods. God is seriously pissed off at us all and it sucks.

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http://www.virginmedia.com/images/cliff_richard-gal-couch.jpg

This week Cliff is looking effortlessly cool as usual.


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This week: A golden pocket watch that once belonged to my grandfather Mongo Dense.

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"Peace is its own reward," Gandhi, spiritual leader, shoeless, hippy