Tuesday 11 January 2011

The Dickies 2010


Hello and welcome to the second annual Dickies, the awards handed out by the C.o.M.H. team to those we deem worthy. Enjoy this last taste of the old ADOD before we begin a full relaunch. On with the awards!

"Celebrity" Pick of the Year

Jedward



Those wacky Jedward boys have moved up from 3rd place last year to winners of the title of celebrity pick of the year. After a fantastic year with a brilliant album, a legendary performance at T4 on the Beach and a joke about Cheryl Cole dying of malaria these boys deserve this award.
Honourable mentions; Peter Andre, Grinty


"Celebrity" Prick of the Year

Danny Dyer


It's been a mixed year for Danny. More classic films such as Pimp and another classic comedy football DVD and joining the C.o.M.H. team have been overshadowed by his irresponsible and stupid comments in Zoo magazine where he recommended a man slash his ex girlfriend's face so she couldn't find anyone else. What a total prick.

Honourable mentions; Gillian McKieth, Donny Osmond, Lady GaGa, Jordan

Acting Pick of the Year

Phil off Eastenders



2010 was the year of Phil off Eastenders. Once again acting everyone off the screen Phil off Eastenders had some of the most harrowing story lines in the history of the show including having sex with the world's roughest looking woman, having a flaming homo as a son and being a crack head. Phil off Eastenders brought warmth and great skill to these storylines and no one has come to close to matching him for amazing acting abilities.

Honourable mentions; Grinty, Go Compare Guy, Talking meerkat thing

Acting Prick of the Year

Daniel Radcliffe



Another year, another Harry Potter film. 2010 featured Radcliffe playing seven versions of himself and they were all shit.

Honourable mentions; the cast of the Twilight movies, the cast of Harry Potter, Ben off Eastenders

Celebrity Sex Offender of the Year

Josef Frtitzl


This year Josef is the only real contender and that's because even though he ran a creepy incest sex dungeon Fritzy has been planning on rebuilding the surrounding area. For having the balls to do that we just have to salute you Mr. Fritzl sir.

TV Presenter Pick of the Year

Hacker T. Dog



Yes. We're being serious. No human presenters are good enough this award. Check out Hacker on the CBBC channel he is freaking hilarious.

Honourable mentions; Oucho the cactus, Mongo the magic puppet

TV Presenter Prick of the Year

Konnie Huq



Yeah alright Huq you're on the grown up tele now and you're married to Charlie Brooker but seriously fuck off with your shitty Xtra Factor crap.

Honourable mentions; Chris Evans, Bruce Forsyth, Ant & Dec

Talent Show Judge Pick of the Year



This award has been left vacant as they're a cunty bunch

Talent Show Judge Prick of the Year

Cheryl Cole



Not happy with being in a shit band she had to have a shit solo career. Not happy with a shit solo career she had to create a mini me. Cheryl Cole will you please fuck off and take Bill-I-Am-A-Total-Fucking-Cun with you yeah pet?

Honourable mentions; Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden, Piers Morgan, Michael MacIntyre (hasn't started yet but he's still a moon faced cunt), Dannii Minogue

Talent Show Wannabe Pick of the Year

Wagner


Wagner was flying the freak flag high this year, he was shit, looked a bit like Josef Fritzl and didn't make much sense but he slagged off Cheryl Cole and he was pretty funny.

Honourable mentions; Random Black Boy from the Harry Potter Movies


Talent Show Wannabe Prick of the Year

Cher "Mongo" Lloyd


Yes it's the stroke suffering faced, gypsy Cheryl Cole clone that sounds like a fucking mong having a fit when she's singing. It's unlikely we've heard the last of this cunt so expect to see her back here next year.

Honourable mentions; Katie Weasel, Gamu, Matt Cardle, any shit street dance act that appears on Britain's Got Talent

The Official Dick's Pick of the Year

Phil off Eastenders


Who is more deserving than this man? He's C.o.M.H.'s man of the decade and looks set to hold that award again in 2019. Mr. Mitchell sir we salute you.

Honourable mentions; Jedward, Andre the Giant, Peter Andre


The Official Dick's Prick of the Year

Kerry Katona


It's been a year for clones of shit celebrities and ITV has been responsible for them all. It's bad enough they forced Jordan down our throats for the last 5 years they've now found her replacement in the equally useless Kerry Katona another whiney waster we hope will fuck off in 2011.

Honourable mentions; Jordan, Alex Reid, Cheryl Cole, Jason Donovan, Jeremy Kyle




Those we've lost this year;

-Gary Coleman
-Leslie Nielsen
-Paul the Octopus
-Norman Wisdom
-Bernard Matthews
-Malcolm Allison
-Claire Rayner
-Gillian McKeith's dignity
-Ronnie/Roxy Mitchell's (Phil off Eastenders sister/cousin) baby
-Those three who died in that tram crash on that documentary 'Coronation Street'
-Alex Higgins
-Chris Kanyon
-Jean Simmons
-Any 'Z-List' celebrity's career
-The Bill
-Big Brother

Well I hope you've enjoyed the Dickies and I hope you've enjoyed A Dose of Dick throughout 2010. For a while it looked the end of C.o.M.H. but we're back and better than ever. In 2011 we will be relaunching the blog, all the old entries will be shifted over to our archive blog the World of Dick and we will be having a fresh start. Your old favourites such as Dick's Picks and Pricks, Jimmy's Poo, Dear Randy and the Big Question will be joined by new features such as What's Pissing off Garth Crooks This Week? We'll also be answering those big questions; who is Jimmy's father? Will a Jeremy Kyle spoof work when written down? Is Merton still alive? Will Dick remarry? Can Chet and Chasey Lain get past their problems and be happy again? Will we ever see the likes of Timmy Dense, Taco Sanchez, Buzzy Gastro, Lundy Cupp, Maurice Badger and the Rev again? Will we see more of Randy's world of hate? Will M.V.D. wake from the coma that's kept him from updating his blog? And finally we will answer the ultimate question...

Tom Cruise....

True or fale?