Welcome to the new look World of Hate. I've started to build up a team of like minded hatesters to join me in mocking the world. As it's an election year I've recruited a political expert to help cover the big election news. That's right A Dose of Dick star James Leopold Dense has joined us here at World of Hate to present his Political Poop Shoot. I'm also joined by former US President George W. Bush who's going to fill us in on what he's been up to since he left office. And finally we're officially entering into competition with 118 with our own question answering service which unlike the conning bastards at 118.com we won't be charging anything. To man our question service we've got the smartest man I know, my grandpa, Maurice Badger. So if you have a question you want answered e-mail me at randybadger@hotmail.co.uk. This week grandpa answers how you can tell if your child is a midget. There's also more of Randy's Retards, Randy's Rant and an all new zombie based feature. Enjoy the hate.
1. David Cameron
Yes this smug, testicle sniffing, dildo faced knob jockey really is a fucking retard. I seriously hate this fucking posh twat. Do we really want this smug cunt running the country? I don't think so.
2. Volcano
Gay ass volcanos, planes not flying. Yeah I really don't give a shit but the CoMH big bossman says I have to keep it topical.
3. Heston Blumenthal
Heston to rhyme with cunt. What a fucking cock. I don't give a shit if he can cook a monkey scrotum with human feces then get Dale Winton to eat it and enjoy it he's a fucking dick. He also looks like a testicle with a crudely drawn face on it.
4. Muslim Extremists
Normally I wouldn't touch this one with a ten foot barge pole. But when the right to free speech is being surpressed because of Muslim Extremists then I have to speak out. There are many people who would stop me using my right to free speech infact the boys at S.C.R.O.T.U.M. have tried to take legal action against me 47 times but in this country we're allowed to say what the fuck like. There has been a recent incident where a popular TV show had an episode pulled because of refrences to the muslim prophet. There were death threats and that is seriously wrong. This wasn't an attack on Islam and I think it's bang out of order to threaten TV writers with death when David Cameron is still alive. If you need to kill someone kill him.
Dear Randy,
I like masturbating alot. I can't stop it. I do it everyday. I'm thinking of cutting off my penis? What should I do?
Phil, aged 12, Ohio
Randy's reply:
Cut it off. Only answer. Masturbation is the devil's work.
Dear Randy,
I met a man at a club and as we were leaving, an old guy tried to grab my arse and so my man thumped him in the gob. I was so turned on by his readiness to protect me that I went back with him.
As I undressed him I said "Nice body!" and he thought I was referring to the corpse he'd hidden in his closet, and so he brought it out to show me, with pride!
Admittedly that is the point where I should have gone home, but I was impressed by his openness and a little turned on by the bad guy factor. So I stayed.
The next day I realised with horror, that my failure to leave when the corpse came out, may have given him the idea that murdering people is OK. Is there a perfect text that will let him know that killing is wrong, without jeopardising my chances of a second date?
Rachel, aged 19, Birmingham
Randy's reply:
Depends who he killed. Killing is ok in certain circumstances. So if you accidentally ran over Jordan 4 or 5 times you'd probably get a medal rather than a custodial sentence. Or you could just have sex with a good guy to balance things out, like Jesus or the Pope.
Last weekend I told my best friend a secret. I told her that I once used a cucumber to see what sex is like with a boy.
However when I got to school on Monday morning all of the girls in my tutor group were eating cucumbers and sniggering. At break time a boy asked me if I wanted to practice on something less green and at lunch time another boy asked if I kept the shrink-wrap on or went bareback.
Do you think there's any chance that my best friend can't be trusted?
HEATHEN! The cucumber is the devil's vegetable. And no your best friend can't be trusted.
This is 29 Oral Way. And this is Erica - the girlfriend who leads an exciting double life. For when Erica administers a blowjob, an amazing transformation occurs!
Yes, my boyfriend's semen gives me super powers! Whenever he cums in my mouth, or in fact anywhere, I become invisible! I know this because he falls straight to sleep without cuddling me, whispering sweet nothings to me, or in fact acknowledging mu existence at all.
The special powers wear off over the night and when I feel his boner digging into my back the next morning, I know I'm visible again.
Do all men have magic sperm, or is it just my man?
Randy's reply:
Oh I see what you're doing. You're trying to be funny during my very serious agony aunt column. Very witty you fucking cunt. If I ever find you I will destroy you.
What the fuck is it with hexagonal Smarties tubes? They aren't fucking hexagons so what's the need for a fucking hexagonal tube? Back when I was a kid we had a circular tube for our circular Smarties. Yeah the good old days, when after eating your Smarties you could use the tube as a missile launcher and pop the plastic lid out of the tube taking your younger brother's eye out. Now we have a fucking hexagon without a lid. What the hell is wrong with the world today?
This is my grandpa Maurice, he's here to answer all your questions. This week Mark from Sheffield asks "How can you tell if your child is a midget?"
Grandpa's answer:
If he small. If the kid is a short guy he probably a midget. Like 2foot, that midget small.
James Leopold Dense has a joint degree in political studies and colouring in. James enjoys examing his poo. His own and those of people he meets.
David Cameron is a dog poo, I hate him. Gordon Brown is a scary troll. I don't like him. Nick Clegg is as cool as my red wax crayon.
This week in David Cameron's Poo: His own face, because his head is so far up his own arse that he just keeps shitting out his own face.
Yeah I've been eating pretzels. Every day since I left the White House.
Am I the only one that would like to see Andre the Giant rise from the grave?
Hello theге, You hаѵe done аn
ReplyDeleteexсellent job. I'll certainly digg it and for my part suggest to my friends. I'm cοnfident they
will be bеnefited from this site.
mу ωeb-site payday loans