Dear Randy #2

Welcome to the 2nd edition of Dear Randy in which I solve all your problems. If you have a problem that needs solving e-mail me at randybadger@hotmail.co.uk.

Dear Randy,
i have been thinking about sex and i am scared. will something happen to my penus if i lose my virginity. will it hurt
Complete retard, aged 13, Liverpool

Randy's reply:
Well if you're going to have sex make sure your sterilised first because your spelling is just terrible and your kids are likely to be idiots to. And yes something will happen to your "penus" if you lose your virginity because the devil will rip it off as sex is the devil's game!

Dear Randy,

i have a friend that i have sex with from time to time and i think his getting feelings for me. his friends say he dont like you like that he just using you, but when me and him get together i dont feel that, i feel like hes catching feelings for me.

he loves to be around me, not just to have sex, but chill go places he even went down on me for the first time . i always wanted him to but he never would, then one day well a whole year later he did it and i was shocked.i havent told him i have feelings for him because its hard for me to tell ppl how i feel, so do anybody think im right?
slagbag, aged 17, Leeds

Randy's reply:
Well you certainly are like a disease that he keeps catching. He isn't developing feelings for you he's using you because you let him. I was the same at that age, I used a chick for sex for months, only stopped because I found out she was my biological mother. Anyway the point is men like sex and like girls that give it away for free. He'll ditch you as soon as he finds a less easy and more attractive girl. Once again I highly recommend sterilisation.

Dear Randy,
This is very embarassing to ask but I really need some advice. My boyfriend and I were having sex. We've only done it a few times before so we're fairly new to this but for some reason he couldn't get in me for a long time. Or as soon as he got close or i'd move my hand, he'd slip back out. He isn't smLl or anything like that so we're both very confused because although this is the second time this has happened to us, we've also had sex successfully. Do you know what the problem could be? Please help us.
Another teenage whore, 19, Essex

Randy's reply:
Are you sure your putting his penis in the write place? Is he actually a boy? Are you actually a girl? Sounds like your too thick to have sex this is probably a good thing. You know what I'm going to recommend. Both of you need to be sterilised.

Dear Randy,
How to know if you are a vergin? A guy 1 night tried to have sex with me, he had not penatrate or go inside. It hurt, i told him to get off. i have a hymen, it did not bleed. i have had oral. i tried anal but it was to painful for both of us. where do you stand on virginity?
Any which way but loose, aged 15, Stoke

Randy's reply:
Well I'm pretty sure you've had enough cock to no longer be considered anything near a virgin. Your well on your way to being the biggest whore in the world. You keep trying girl you'll get there in the end.

Dear Randy,
Hey :) well im 17. Iv just started triming then shaving my vagina. It always feel a lil ichy an gets kinda red. Will that stop hapening once i get used to it and do it more? I heard geting it waxed is best but i really dont want any one doing that to me. So all i can do is shave. Also is there any thing that will help it not be feel so bad afterwords? Thanks for any advise.
fuzzy peach, 17, London

Randy's reply:
HEATHEN! You are in the service of the beast of hell. God loves bush and you must maintain the lady garden your creator demands!