Easter With DIck

Hello my fellow Huggynites and welcome to your Easter Dose of Dick with me Dick Smalls. Well as you know I've been too busy to keep up the blog recently so I handed our last edition over to my good friend Randolph Badger. I'm afraid to report that Randy's blog recieved more complaints than all of our previous entries combined although about 90% of those quite clearly came from S.C.R.O.T.U.M. and the Shaft Brothers John and Pepe. Does that mean the end of Randy's work with CoMH? Of course not we loved him so much that we've given him his own blog, Randy's World of Hate, we'll post a link at the end. Join Randy as he wages war against the S.C.R.O.T.U.M. boys and everything else he hates in this crazy world. Well I'm sure your all interested in where I've been these last few weeks. As you all know there has been a serious recession and it's hit us here at CoMH Towers and I've been over in the US meeting with several businesses discussing selling the franchise rights to A Dose of Dick. So you can soon expect to see the American version of the blog. Anyway this week we have the usual goodies, more of my Picks and Pricks, Jimmy's Poo, The Big Question, Do You Remember...? and the Thought of the Day.
Enjoy!





1. Jesus Christ




We all know this weekend is a pretty crappy time for JC. No one enjoys being nailed to a bit of wood then dying. Hopefully he won't be recreating his famous stunt this year and will just be at home relaxing with his many Easter Eggs.


2. Phil off Eastenders




He romped to victory as our Man of the Decade and it looks like he may even hold on to that honour for another decade. Aside from stealing every scene he's in in Eastenders (god the man can act, Daniel Radcliffe take note) Phil off Eastenders has been hitting the headlines once again this week. Phil off Eastenders's house was raided recently after an annymous tip off suggesting that Britain's top actor was in possesion of fire arms however the police were met by Phil off Eastenders's pornstar Big Omar. Big Omar is apparently very big in dogging porn (we here at CoMH are unsure what dogging entails but we do know that Phil off Easternders is a big fan so we've always wanted to try it). Phil off Eastenders is one of Britain's finest doggers and we salute him for making friends with pornstars what a legend.


3. Lord Lloyd Webber





It would appear that David Icke was right. The lizard people really are taking over and Lloyd Webber is their leader. He's already insisting on being called "Lord" and whenever I see him on TV he's sat in a large throne being fawned over by that very camp Irish fellow off the BBC. We here at CoMH salute you and when your people take over the Earth we hope you spare us.


4. Peter Andre





Pete's been in the news again this week. Apparently he's found love with former star of annoying Iceland adverts Kerry Katona. It's great to see Pete moving on from that large breasted, attention seeking media whore she-who-must-not-be-named-at-least-until-she's-made-a-dick's prick. Now he has Kerry who's a large breasted, attention...oh wait, never mind.




1. Jordan/Katie Price




Yes Jordan (these week played by a vomitting pumpkin) continues to close her vice like grip over the title of biggest prick ever. This week she's a prick because I happened to catch the end of her god awful reality show in which she said she hoped to get pregnant again by the end of the series. The thought of this made me feel like the pumpkin above. I haven't felt this sick since me, Chet, Merton, Jimmy and Zanzibar watched her sex tape. That night we were exorcist sick.


2. Banks Trying To Act Like Their Our Friends




Nearly as bad as the sight of Jordan. Yes we touched upon this in our bad adverts special a while back but since then they've gotten worse. Halifax are the worst offenders with there god awful radio adverts with a bunch of twatty little twonks pretending that they're our cool little friends who always help us out. It's because of the banks that Chet lives in a bus shelter. It's because of banks that Merton now shops at Netto. It's because of banks that Jimmy can't afford rubber gloves to aid his search his poo. It's because of banks that CoMH Towers is now a grotty little council flat. Screw you Halifax. And screw that over one that's employed that wassak that bums Ricky Gervais to do "hilarious" voice overs over their comedy adverts. We have not forgiven you.


3. James Corden




I think Randy pretty muched summed up our feelings on Corden last week.


4. The Wrath of God





Yep he's still pretty pissed off at us all. More bad weather, David Beckham being ruled out of the soccerball world league and the continuing success of Adrian Chiles career. Better starting praying boyo.






This week: A Creme Egg, keeping in spirit with Easter. Gooey indeed.



This week: Mystic Meg




Yeah she looks like a villain from 80s fantasy movie or Danni Minogue's younger sister but I did love her on the lottery, the way she used to predict who might win. One week she said those who have an M in their name were destined to win and then guess what? I won a tenner. What a legend.


Hey Chet here again once again pondering the big questions. This time I'm asking which song was more racist Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas or Turning Japanese by The Vapors.



Well Carl Douglas talks about funky China men in funky Chinatown which is quite clearly a lie. The Chinese do not believe in funk or the act of funkyness. Turning Japanese is apparently about the face the gentleman in question pulls when he reaches his peak during a sexual act. This is of course offensive to Japanese people as it's suggesting that all Japanese people look like they're climaxing at all times. This is a really close one in my eyes but I think the winner is...



Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas, although both are really offensive to our friends from the Orient.






"Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing - Gary Coleman is going to drown," Conan O'Brien, Talk show host, Simpsons writer




We end today with an appeal. As I'm sure you will all have realised the world today is threatened by a deadly menace. I am of course speaking of the Duke of Douchery, the Prince of Pricker, the worst human that has ever lived. Yes Jeremy Kyle is becoming so smug that his smugness will soon block out the sun and kill all life on this planet. We ask that you do your bit and do not watch his freak show. And to those of you that have joined his army of darkness please get yourselves steralised and stop sleeping with your own family members. Oh and for god's sake stop copying his bloody catchphrases. If I hear one more person say "he shoulda put summut on the end of it" when some retarded teenagers have a baby I will scream.




Be strong. Together we can stop this man and make Earth a great place to live again.

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Make sure you check out our friends blogs.
You can find Randy's World of Hate here and the master of conspiracy Mike Van Dyke can be found here

Until we meet again...
Peace & Love
Dick Smalls