11th Novermber 2009

Contents:

Introduction, with Dick Smalls

Dick's Picks, who's included this time?

Dick's Pricks, Donny again?

What's in my Poo This Week? with Jimmy Dense

Chet's Bets, with Chet Ajabagger, in which Chet predicts the future

Thought of the Day, with Peter Andre

Greetings my fellow Huggynites and welcome to the new look A Dose of Dick with me Dick Smalls and the CoMH team. My nephew Merlin is here on work experience this week and he's designed us some lovely new logos in between making me cups and surfing for porn on the Internet. Following my stint in Dancing with the Stars, which tragically ended last week following my unfortunate injury at the hands of Donny Osmond (not that I can prove it, he's a cunning bastard that Donny), I'm now back at CoMH full time and will be committing more time to the blog. Dick's Picks and Pricks will continue as normal and we'll now be including regular contributions from the rest of the CoMH team. I hope you enjoy the changes we've made, we do it all for you.

1. Little Jimmy Osmond

The most talented of all the Osmonds (at least 1 000 000% more talented than Donny) Little Jimmy Osmond is a true legend. His classic hit Long Haired Lover From Liverpool was the song used for the first dance at my wedding.

2. The Honey Monster

It may shock you sweet readers but war has broken out. A civil war. Between cereal mascots. We here at CoMH have sided with the Honey Monster, who is quite clearly the best cereal mascot ever.

3. Bindi Irwin

We here at CoMH are big on animals and we loved Steve Irwin. But he's dead now. So Bindi is our only hope for wrestling crocodiles on TV. We salute you.

4. The Good Old British Tommy

Today is Rememberance Day and we here at CoMH salute our brave veterans.

1. Donny Osmond

A few weeks ago I was at ITV1 discussing a show called An Audience With Dick Smalls in which you loyal readers could have learnt more about me and CoMH and we'd even persuaded Cilla Black to come on and duet with Chet. Then this flaming douche bag comes along and says he wants to do an audience with him and his sister. ITV1 no longer wants to do An Audience With Dick Smalls. Screw you Donny, screw you.

2. Ming the Merciless from Mongo

Ming you filthy bastard, leave the poor Mongos alone or Flash Gordon's gonna get ya.

3. Jedward

What the hell are they? Seriously how can Simon let Lucie go out in place of these freaks? DAMN YOU SIMON!!!!

4. Piers Morgan

Do I really need to explain this one?

This week: A Toy Solider

The world will not end in 2012, the Mayans are retards.

Thought of the Day:

"I saw a dog with three legs. It was walking with another dog, but it looked to have more of a proper walk than the dog with four legs. And I thought, 'Does that dog need that other leg?'", Peter Andre, musician, legend