How To Spot A Gay

Greetings to all that readeth The World of Dick. Reverend Black here once more. This time around I will guide you in the war against the GayBo alliance (the allegiance between the gays and the lesbos). We all know of course that the GayBos were put on this earth by the Devil to corrupt the pure and the innocent. With the help of my able assistants Daniel Dyer and Orange Juice Simpson I now present you a guide on how to spot one of these bum banditos.

1. An unhealthy interest in musicals


Does the gentleman in question own anything by Andrew Lloyd Webber? Does he know that Les Miserables is a musical and not a nickname for the French world cup squad? Does he find John Barrowman entertaining rather than irratating? Then you've got a gay.

2. Too much Vaseline on the shelf?


How much is too much? Any amount of Vaseline is too much for a norm. Check the share prices of the Vaseline company, have they gone up constantly in the time your male friend has been sexually active. If they have then well sir you have a gay.

3. Leather clothing


Only gays wear leather that is an elemental law of the universe. So if your buddy has taken to wearing leather shorts, you've got a gay. If he's matching his leather shorts with any sort of sleveless top then you've got a super gay and better get yourself tested for AIDS straight away because as we all know, just coming into contact with a super gay is enough to catch the disease.

4. Regular HIV tests


AIDS or the gay disease to give it it's scientific name is only caught by gayness. If your male friend is heard saying "gee whizz I'm nervous about my latest AIDS test," then you've got yourself a gay. Load up the shotgun and put him out of his misery.

5. Worshipping at the feet of the King Gay


The gays have a king, a man so gay that both his first and last names sound suspiciously similar to slang terms for penis (cock and wang do you see?). If you ever hear your male friend so "I sure wish that Gok Wan would do me!" then my friend you've got a gay.


"Never turn your back on a gay. The average gay thinks about raping a norm every 7 seconds."


"Being gay makes god cry. Look at all those celebrity gays, Elton John, Matt Lucas, The Village People, Right Said Fred, they've all made god cry that's why we have floods. Sodomy causes tsunamis."

There are of course several other ways of spotting gays and I'm sure your familiar with them all. Together we can get rid of all these heathens and fill the world with the church loving people like Catholics and Muslims who never do anything wrong.

Peace & Love

Reverend Black



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