The C.o.M.H. Boys Return

Greetings my fellow Huggynites and welcome back to The World of Dick. Yes we have been a way for a short while but now the whole gang is back. What have we been doing during our break? Well I've been working on my memoirs which will be serialised on this very site, Randy's formed a band, Dave Has AIDS Not HIV, keep an eye out for them they'll be on tour next year, Reverend Black has been on an unsuccessful tour of America where he was described as being "too liberal" and Jimmy's been playing in his own poo again.

Recently there have been many rumours going round that The Church of Mike Huggins was about to come to an end. But worry not loyal readers the C.o.M.H. will never die. There are going to be some changes though. I will be stepping down from writing the blog for the immediate future so I can concentrate on writing my memoirs. In my absence I will be handing over control of The World of Dick to Randy meaning Randy's World of Hate is now the C.o.M.H.'s flagship blog. A Dose of Dick will return one day so do not despair friends. Reverend Black will also continue to spread the word of Mike and Jimmy will be launching his own blog Going Down To Poo Town. Also Mike Van Dyke will bring us his long awaited investigation into the Paul McCartney case. Don't forget you can get your C.o.M.H. fix all over the internet. Click on the links for more C.o.M.H. goodness.
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Until we meet again,
Peace & Love
Dick Smalls

Phil Didn't Do It!

Hello my fellow Huggynites and welcome to the most extraordinary Dose of Dick ever! Yes I have some amazing news for you all and I have to tell you about the exciting changes that we will be making here at CoMH Towers. I'm sure you all remember a year ago when I announced the sad passing of CoMH Head and co-founder Merton Breastloveski who we believed had died from anal trauma involving well hung horse. Merton was buried in a closed casket private ceremony in March 2009. At the time we noticed that Merton's custom made coffin was very heavy and very cold almost like it contained a air conditioner... Well it turns out that Merton did not die that day but in fact faked his death so he could go undercover to help the police crack a bestiality ring in London, for the last 12 months he's been living under the name Gerald Hatescockski and feared he could never return to us here at CoMH. But last week the case was cracked and 74 arrests were made and Merton was able to return to us here at CoMH. What does this mean for everyone at CoMH? Well Merton will return to his position as head of the church and I will be returning to my former position as the head of public relations which means I will be able to fully dedicate myself to A Dose of Dick once again and won't be forced into any boring meetings with the Pope again. This means of course that my son Larry has now been made redundant as he has refused the offer to become Jimmy's personal poo explorer. Well anyway on to this weeks Dose of Dick we've got your usual favourites Dick's Picks, Pricks, Cliff Richard Picture of the Week, Jimmy's Poo, Hot Gossip, Thought of the Day, two new sections "Do You Remember...?" where we remember those that society has forgotten and The Big Question with Chet Ajabagger in which Chet discusses those huge philosophical questions we all think about and then we'll conclude with a small tribute to those the CoMH has really lost this year.


1. Merton Breastloveski



CoMH co-founder and all round good egg, Merton was saddly missed by everyone here but now he's back from the "dead" and we are complete once again, now all we need is Mike to turn up.

2. Phil off Eastenders


Without a doubt he gave the best performance in Eastenders recent live episode and how did they repay him? They didn't make him the murderer! Well for moral support we're making him a Pick for the second week running.


1. Dirty Sex Scandal Footballers


Ashley Cole, John Terry, that other one who's name I can't remember. They're all as bad as Tiger Woods. Dirty, dirty boys.

2. The Wrath of God



God's still pissed off. More natural disasters and mental weather. What can we do to appease you Lord?


This week: To celebrate a year of A Dose of Dick with Dick Smalls there's only one thing Jimmy could poo, that's right he's only gone and shit the Mitchell brothers.






Cliff just looking incredibly sexy...



Hey everyone the pant straining Zanzibar here with your latest batch of Jordan rumours.

1. Jordan's pubes are fibre optic and her pee is pure nitrogen

2. Jordan's tears are adhesive and that if she caught fire, she'd burn for a thousand days

3. On really warm days Jordan sheds her skin like a snake

4. Jordan's a C.I.A. experiment that went wrong, and she only eats cheese



Hello followers of Mike and welcome to my new section of A Dose of Dick, Do You Remember...?in which we remember those things that have left the public eye this week...

John McCain

Seriously what happened to this guy? A few years ago he was on TV all the time and now you never see him. If you have any information on where he is now e-mail me at mertonbreastloveski@hotmail.co.uk


Welcome to my new section where I answer the big questions. This week who'd win in a fight between cuckold frog Kermit and creepily camp gaybo Big Bird?


Well Kermit's got less spine than a jelly fish but Big Bird is camper than Liberache. I think what it'll come down to in this fight is who they have to back them up. Kermit has Miss Piggy, morbidly obese but with a voice that can kill and Big Bird has his life partner Mr. Snuffleupagus the mammoth that's as camp as he is. Again I think we're pretty much tied. Kermit could bring in Animal who I think would be pretty handy in a fight but then Big Bird has the Cookie Monster who's even tougher now he's been on a none cookie based diet. I think it's safe to say that overall Kermit would win as the Muppets could easily beat the Sesame Street Crew with only Cookie Monster and the Count posing any real threat.

Kermit the Frog

Kermit and co would easily beat Big Bird to death but when it comes to a frog that enjoys inter species erotica and a giant gay bird getting queer with an extinct species they're both losers.


1. Merta Drogosich


Merta has been the head of Emotional Development at CoMH since 1995. We had hoped to bring you her motivational programme "Smile and Be Happy" but Merta took her own life recenly...

2. Professor Steve "Apples & Pears" Mitchell


Steve recently provided cockney translations for Danny Dyer here at A Dose of Dick. It appears this triggered a severe depression for Steve. He was found hanging from a tree above a pile of smashed up copies of Danny Dyer's comedy football DVD "Man with Ball Falls Over" and a note that said "I've wasted my life. Cockney is the stupidest thing ever and I stooped so low that I actually translated for Danny Dyer and his comedy football DVD isn't even that funny". We here at CoMH send out deepest sympathies to his family we can't help feel we're at least partly responsible for this...

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan, former President, idiot, dead

Peace & Love

Dick Smalls & the Dose of Dick Team

p.s. check out our friend MVD here

Dick's Pricks Bad Adverts Special

Hello and welcome to another Dick's Pricks special. This time we're focusing on the very bad TV adverts that we all hate. This is not a comprehensive list it's just a selection of ten of the worst. Enjoy sharing our hate my friends...

10. The Tissue of Lies (erm I mean Cillit Bang)



Plot of advert: Shouty man shouts, cleans pennies
What better to start than with the master of all liars. Yes it's "Barry Scott" or as he is now known Mr Shouty the lying bastard. That's all he does shout, shout, shout. And his name is not even Barry Scott. If he's lying about that what else is he lying about?

9. Up Your Viva Freakathon


Plot of advert: Creepy lady boy with bad teeth talks dirty to man in public toilet

Seriously what the hell is that? He ain't brother of mine, he can not be human. Someone really dropped a steamer in the gene pool with this freak. I promise you I will never Up My Viva on this creature's orders. Damn you freaky lady boy!

8. FAST Stroke




Plot of advert: Woman has stroke, we all laugh, she recovers

Yes we laughed to. Yes we know we're not supposed to. As youtube use hellraiser123 said "harsh as fuck. my grandad had a major stroke and died from blood flooding in teh brain. i wuldve normally laughed alot at this, same with disabled people you piss yourself at things untill it happens close by you then you realise how tight it is." But even so this is just a terrible advert and now I worry if anyone close to me has a stroke I'll end up having one myself from laughing too much.

7. Stop Smoking Advert with god awful singing children



Plot of advert: Spawn of the stupid sing in an attempt to stop their idiot parents killing themselves

I couldn't care less if my kids would do anything for me if they started singing this crap at me I'd smoke extra fags in an attempt to spread cancer to the little bastards through passive smoking.

6. Halifax Radio Advert



Plot of advert: Halifax mongoloids including fuzzy faced fatty above pretend that bankers are really friendly and not a bunch of greedy c**ts that screw us all over at every opportunity, basically they lie more than Barry Scott.

Dear bankers you are not my friend, giving me £5 a month will not make me trust you. You are scum Jimmy can't buy pick and mix from Woolworths anymore because of you. And everyone in this advert makes Daniel Radcliffe look like Laurence Olivier which is quite an achievment.

5. Car Spotter



Plot of advert: Homeless man sees car, wonders what it's worth (I have no idea why) so he decides to spend £7 texting a pointless service to find out

This is more confusing than anything. Surely telling a thief how much a car's worth is not the best idea. And what if it turns out your car is worth less than the £7 you spent on the texts? And seriously what the hell are these adverts about?

4. Cash my Gold with Dale Winton


Plot of advert: Creepy TV presenter Dale Winton harrasses stupid people into selling their gold for less than it's worth.

These gold scams have already been a feature of Dick's Pricks and this advert ain't gonna change that. Do we really need Dale Winton on TV? Do we want poncy students getting money for gold so they can carry on being smug gits with more money than those of us who work for a living?

3. Evian with Creepy Babies



Plot of advert: Horrendous babies dance/skate around like freaky bastards

Am I the only one seriously freaked out by this? These children have horrible evil faces! I believe than Evian is what created these freaks and I certainly won't be drinking it again.

2. Don't Run Over Disabled Ginger Children Advert


Plot of advert: Man sees dead ginger kid everywhere (under the desk is probably the best one)

We all know technically speaking running over a ginger kid with Down's Syndrome is "wrong". But seriously if you hit someone in your car got out and saw that lying on the floor would you feel guilty or would you feel like you'd made the world slightier beautiful place.

1. Go Compare with Smugly Fat Opera Singer


Plot of advert: People talk about car insurance fat man appears and sings about car insurance then sexually harrasses lobster

It was ok the first time but then he started taking the piss. Suddenly he can fly, is sexually attracted to lobsters and sings the same bloody tune every time.

A Dose of Dick

A Dose of Dick

with the Man, the Myth, the Legend...
Mr. Dick Smalls

CAUTION:
The following blog features graphic images of gingers trying to look attractive

Greetings and salutations my fellow Huggynites. I'm starting to get used to our new blog home, it's a shame myspace has become an unsuitable location for A Dose of Dick but Blogger is a great place to be. So what's been happening here at CoMH? Chet has now recovered from his alcoholism thanks laregly to the scriptures of the CoMH. He found the guidance he needed and now he's completely cured! Jimmy's fecal matter has been red since he started eating those red wax crayons, is that the reason or is it perhaps some sort of anal cancer? We don't know but I suspect it's the crayons. Our Mexican representative Taco Sanchez was diagnosed with swine flue a few weeks back but seems to be responding well to treatment but when he's visits Britain next month we'll burn his body just to make sure.Well let's get on to those old favourites of ours, today's Dick's Picks are in fact the Pick's of CoMH legend Jimmy Dense.

1. The Colour Yellow

Yes Jimmy just loves the colour yellow. It's all bright and happy like the sun.

2. The Kids of Widney High



A band of retards that can sing? Excellent.

3. Red Wax Crayons



Jimmy's favourite drawing tool and mid afternoon snack, the red wax crayon we salute you!

Dick's Pricks:

Doesn't it show how bad the world is when we find it easier to come up with Pricks much easier than Picks. Well here are three more things that grate my cheese!

1. Rupert Grint


Yes I vomited when I first saw this picture. Joining legendary Sex Offender Josef Fritzl, Grint becomes only the second person to hold the title of prick for a second time. And judging by this picture it probably won't be the last. I mean what the hell is this? You're ginger just shave it off don't grow it, don't style it, destroy it!

2. Polar Bears


The Polar Bear...natures most over rated creature. Stupid, pathetic smelly animals that could never beat a penguin in a fight no matter what anyone says.

3. Newcastle United


Is it wrong to laugh at the misfortune of Newcastle United Football Club? No? Good. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

And now it's time for a new section, Smug Git of the Week, where we take a look at a smug git we just want to punch. And this week's Smug Git is...

Seth McFarlane (And pretty much anyone that works on Family Guy)

Seriously is there anyone smugger than these freak faced mongoloid? Responsible for 90% of the world's smug, McFarlane and the other used tampons that work on Family Guy ooze Smugness with every breath they take. You make a mildly amusing cartoon. You don't need to have group masturbation sessions over everything you write because you think you are so good. You really aren't that great and Family Guy has declined rapidly since it returned from cancelation and yes it's your fault cause you are so damn smug. Let's hope someone wipes the smugness from your face with their fist very soon.

And as usual we end with our words of wisdom and here are todays:

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life"

Peace & Love
Dick Smalls