The C.o.M.H. Boys Return

Greetings my fellow Huggynites and welcome back to The World of Dick. Yes we have been a way for a short while but now the whole gang is back. What have we been doing during our break? Well I've been working on my memoirs which will be serialised on this very site, Randy's formed a band, Dave Has AIDS Not HIV, keep an eye out for them they'll be on tour next year, Reverend Black has been on an unsuccessful tour of America where he was described as being "too liberal" and Jimmy's been playing in his own poo again.

Recently there have been many rumours going round that The Church of Mike Huggins was about to come to an end. But worry not loyal readers the C.o.M.H. will never die. There are going to be some changes though. I will be stepping down from writing the blog for the immediate future so I can concentrate on writing my memoirs. In my absence I will be handing over control of The World of Dick to Randy meaning Randy's World of Hate is now the C.o.M.H.'s flagship blog. A Dose of Dick will return one day so do not despair friends. Reverend Black will also continue to spread the word of Mike and Jimmy will be launching his own blog Going Down To Poo Town. Also Mike Van Dyke will bring us his long awaited investigation into the Paul McCartney case. Don't forget you can get your C.o.M.H. fix all over the internet. Click on the links for more C.o.M.H. goodness.
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Until we meet again,
Peace & Love
Dick Smalls

Dick's Pricks Bad Adverts Special

Hello and welcome to another Dick's Pricks special. This time we're focusing on the very bad TV adverts that we all hate. This is not a comprehensive list it's just a selection of ten of the worst. Enjoy sharing our hate my friends...

10. The Tissue of Lies (erm I mean Cillit Bang)



Plot of advert: Shouty man shouts, cleans pennies
What better to start than with the master of all liars. Yes it's "Barry Scott" or as he is now known Mr Shouty the lying bastard. That's all he does shout, shout, shout. And his name is not even Barry Scott. If he's lying about that what else is he lying about?

9. Up Your Viva Freakathon


Plot of advert: Creepy lady boy with bad teeth talks dirty to man in public toilet

Seriously what the hell is that? He ain't brother of mine, he can not be human. Someone really dropped a steamer in the gene pool with this freak. I promise you I will never Up My Viva on this creature's orders. Damn you freaky lady boy!

8. FAST Stroke




Plot of advert: Woman has stroke, we all laugh, she recovers

Yes we laughed to. Yes we know we're not supposed to. As youtube use hellraiser123 said "harsh as fuck. my grandad had a major stroke and died from blood flooding in teh brain. i wuldve normally laughed alot at this, same with disabled people you piss yourself at things untill it happens close by you then you realise how tight it is." But even so this is just a terrible advert and now I worry if anyone close to me has a stroke I'll end up having one myself from laughing too much.

7. Stop Smoking Advert with god awful singing children



Plot of advert: Spawn of the stupid sing in an attempt to stop their idiot parents killing themselves

I couldn't care less if my kids would do anything for me if they started singing this crap at me I'd smoke extra fags in an attempt to spread cancer to the little bastards through passive smoking.

6. Halifax Radio Advert



Plot of advert: Halifax mongoloids including fuzzy faced fatty above pretend that bankers are really friendly and not a bunch of greedy c**ts that screw us all over at every opportunity, basically they lie more than Barry Scott.

Dear bankers you are not my friend, giving me £5 a month will not make me trust you. You are scum Jimmy can't buy pick and mix from Woolworths anymore because of you. And everyone in this advert makes Daniel Radcliffe look like Laurence Olivier which is quite an achievment.

5. Car Spotter



Plot of advert: Homeless man sees car, wonders what it's worth (I have no idea why) so he decides to spend £7 texting a pointless service to find out

This is more confusing than anything. Surely telling a thief how much a car's worth is not the best idea. And what if it turns out your car is worth less than the £7 you spent on the texts? And seriously what the hell are these adverts about?

4. Cash my Gold with Dale Winton


Plot of advert: Creepy TV presenter Dale Winton harrasses stupid people into selling their gold for less than it's worth.

These gold scams have already been a feature of Dick's Pricks and this advert ain't gonna change that. Do we really need Dale Winton on TV? Do we want poncy students getting money for gold so they can carry on being smug gits with more money than those of us who work for a living?

3. Evian with Creepy Babies



Plot of advert: Horrendous babies dance/skate around like freaky bastards

Am I the only one seriously freaked out by this? These children have horrible evil faces! I believe than Evian is what created these freaks and I certainly won't be drinking it again.

2. Don't Run Over Disabled Ginger Children Advert


Plot of advert: Man sees dead ginger kid everywhere (under the desk is probably the best one)

We all know technically speaking running over a ginger kid with Down's Syndrome is "wrong". But seriously if you hit someone in your car got out and saw that lying on the floor would you feel guilty or would you feel like you'd made the world slightier beautiful place.

1. Go Compare with Smugly Fat Opera Singer


Plot of advert: People talk about car insurance fat man appears and sings about car insurance then sexually harrasses lobster

It was ok the first time but then he started taking the piss. Suddenly he can fly, is sexually attracted to lobsters and sings the same bloody tune every time.

Christmas Dick

HO! HO! HO!

Merry Christmas from everyone here at C.o.M.H. Welcome to my final blog of 2009, after next week’s award ceremony I’m off on my holidays so there won’t be anymore Dose of Dick until February. But don’t fret dear readers the blog will continue in my absence. I’ve managed to wrangle some special celebrity guest editors to step in whilst I’m away including Nelson Mandela, Gary Glitter and Derek Acorah. Well for now my friends enjoy the last Picks & Pricks of 2009, O.J.’s Christmassy murder fantasy, more Jordan rumours, Jimmy’s Christmas poo and a Christmassy Thought of the Day.

1. Jesus Christ, Superstar

Who else could you have as a pick at this time of year? Happy Birthday J.C.!

2. Santa

It’s a busy time for the big lad and we here at C.o.M.H. salute you.

3. Ryan Giggs

OK this isn’t very Christmassy but the Welsh wizard has been named the BBC’s Sport’s Personality of the Year and we here at C.o.M.H. salute you also.

4. Teletext

After nearly two decades Teletext closes down this week, you young whipper snappers with your interweb and your Pac man video games probably don’t care about Teletext but to us old geezers it meant a lot.

1. Scrooge

Damn you Scrooge and your miserly ways! Cheer up mate it’s Christmas.

2. King Herod

Leave Jesus alone you bastard!

3. Comedy Football DVDs

Danny Dyer’s Man with Ball Falls Over. Danny Baker’s Goalkeeper falls over. Ray Winstone’s Men Get Hit in Crotch with Football. Every year you can guarantee some “celebrity” pillock will release one of these god awful “hilarious” football DVDs which involves footballers falling over or not scoring goals and quite frankly I’m sick of them. Last year I got Daniel Radcliffe’s Guide to Diving and Jordan’s Balls on Chin (I’m pretty sure it was a football DVD…). If I get Donny Osmond’s Football Howler’s I will not be happy.

4. The Grinch

He stole Christmas… ‘Nuff said.

Keeping in the spirit of the season this week I’ve been thinking about how I’d kill the Grinch who stole Christmas. I think I’d probably strangle him with some tinsel. I’d then chop up his body wrap it up and give it to John Shaft of S.C.R.O.T.U.M. as a Christmas present. But I wouldn’t do that…would I?

This week: It’s Mistletoe! So any sexy lady’s that want a taste of Jimmy D. better meet me under it!

Hey guys it’s really super to be back with a set of special Christmas Jordan rumours:

1. Jordan stole Christmas
2. Jordan doesn’t want to feed the world but she does know it’s Christmas.
3. Jordan was the short fat burglar in Home Alone 1 and 2

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included," Bernard Manning, comedian, dead, massive racist, nothing to do with turkeys

Meet The Team

Hello and welcome to a very special edition of A Dose of Dick. It's been nearly a year since I started my little blog and in that time it's grown from a brief word from me to a full length lifestyle magazine. Over the last few months I've been joined by many members of the CoMH team bringing you brilliant new articles on everything from poo contents to cxelebrity gossip. Today I pay tribute to all the members that help create A Dose of Dick for your reading pleasure.

Enjoy!

Dick Smalls, CoMH Chief Executive

1. Dick Smalls

Who he?

The head of CoMH, he's been putting the Dick in A Dose of Dick since early 2009. Dick is of course the founder of the blog and his Picks and Pricks have been entertaining the nation for the best part of a year.

2. Chet Ajabagger

Who he?

Chet is the second in command of CoMH. Chet is a reformed alcoholic and has a degree in journalism and after finally beating his addiction this summer he launched his "Hard News" column which exposes corruption and betrayal. Expect to see a lot more of Chet's work in 2010.

3. Jimmy Dense

Who he?

Jimmy is perhaps the most popular member of the CoMH team, he writes the beloved "What's in my poo this week" and has also contributed such articles as "Celebrity Down's Syndrome". He also fills our quota for mentally handicapped staff. Expect to find out what's in Jimmy's poo next year!

4. Zanzibar Krotchtown

Who he?

Zanzibar is one of the newest members of the CoMH family and is as gay as the day is long. Zanzibar's popular "Hot Gossip" column has been responsible for several exclusives this year including the fact Jordan only has one testicle.

5. O.J. Simpson

Who he?

O.J. is certainly not a murderer, but you know from his "If I Did It" column that if he was a murderer he'd be the best murderer ever.

6. Buzzy Gastro

Who he?

Along side his civil partner Lundy Cupp it's been a while since he last got involved with A Dose of Dick but Buzzy G as he's known to his crew is still out there working hard to help disenfranchised teens, he also contributes to the CoMH cookbook available at all good book shops.

7. Lundy Cupp

Who he?

The Cupp's Half Full was one of the most profound postings on our original blog back on myspace but Lundy has yet to get involved with the blog since we jumped ship to Blogger but don't fret he will be returning in 2010 with more inspirational advice.

8. Ned O'Reilly

Who he?

The newest member of the Dose of Dick team has yet to make his debut, but the loveable Irish rogue will be bringing you fashion tips and ideas. Keep an eye out for Ned because he's gonna be the next big thing in fashion!

9. Lando Bumbadear

Who he?

Well Lando has been with the blog since the beginning but it's unlikely you'll have known of his excistence. He's the head researcher and has been responsible for the Words of Wisdom/ Thought of the Day that's made your life worth living.

10. Merlin Smalls

Who he?

He's the tea boy and creator of all those nifty logos we use here on the blog.

11. John Virgo

Who he?

Former pro snookerer and our new political editor J.V's new column "Political Pot Shot" will be debuting in the new year.

12. Larry Smalls

Who he?

The son of Dick and head of public relations here at CoMH.

A Dose of Dick

A Dose of Dick

with the Man, the Myth, the Legend...
Mr. Dick Smalls

CAUTION:
The following blog features graphic images of gingers trying to look attractive

Greetings and salutations my fellow Huggynites. I'm starting to get used to our new blog home, it's a shame myspace has become an unsuitable location for A Dose of Dick but Blogger is a great place to be. So what's been happening here at CoMH? Chet has now recovered from his alcoholism thanks laregly to the scriptures of the CoMH. He found the guidance he needed and now he's completely cured! Jimmy's fecal matter has been red since he started eating those red wax crayons, is that the reason or is it perhaps some sort of anal cancer? We don't know but I suspect it's the crayons. Our Mexican representative Taco Sanchez was diagnosed with swine flue a few weeks back but seems to be responding well to treatment but when he's visits Britain next month we'll burn his body just to make sure.Well let's get on to those old favourites of ours, today's Dick's Picks are in fact the Pick's of CoMH legend Jimmy Dense.

1. The Colour Yellow

Yes Jimmy just loves the colour yellow. It's all bright and happy like the sun.

2. The Kids of Widney High



A band of retards that can sing? Excellent.

3. Red Wax Crayons



Jimmy's favourite drawing tool and mid afternoon snack, the red wax crayon we salute you!

Dick's Pricks:

Doesn't it show how bad the world is when we find it easier to come up with Pricks much easier than Picks. Well here are three more things that grate my cheese!

1. Rupert Grint


Yes I vomited when I first saw this picture. Joining legendary Sex Offender Josef Fritzl, Grint becomes only the second person to hold the title of prick for a second time. And judging by this picture it probably won't be the last. I mean what the hell is this? You're ginger just shave it off don't grow it, don't style it, destroy it!

2. Polar Bears


The Polar Bear...natures most over rated creature. Stupid, pathetic smelly animals that could never beat a penguin in a fight no matter what anyone says.

3. Newcastle United


Is it wrong to laugh at the misfortune of Newcastle United Football Club? No? Good. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

And now it's time for a new section, Smug Git of the Week, where we take a look at a smug git we just want to punch. And this week's Smug Git is...

Seth McFarlane (And pretty much anyone that works on Family Guy)

Seriously is there anyone smugger than these freak faced mongoloid? Responsible for 90% of the world's smug, McFarlane and the other used tampons that work on Family Guy ooze Smugness with every breath they take. You make a mildly amusing cartoon. You don't need to have group masturbation sessions over everything you write because you think you are so good. You really aren't that great and Family Guy has declined rapidly since it returned from cancelation and yes it's your fault cause you are so damn smug. Let's hope someone wipes the smugness from your face with their fist very soon.

And as usual we end with our words of wisdom and here are todays:

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life"

Peace & Love
Dick Smalls