The C*ntdown Begins

Welcome dear readers to the dawning of a new era. Yes I am now the boss of The World of Dick and to celebrate I present to you The Official C.o.M.H. Cuntdown it's basically an even better version of Randy's Retards and Dick's Pricks. Each month I'll select the top ten cunts in the world right now, who will be number 1? Let's find out!




They seriously could just rename this Cunt TV. BBC fucking 3 is just shit. Every shitty mongoloid TV show in the world appears on this crapfest. Coming of Age, 2 Pints of Larger, Lee Nelson's Well Goodshow, Russell Howard's Good News, Family Guy. The list is endless. If you are a thick fucking retard then BBC3 is for you but for the rest of us that don't sign our names in wax crayon this is cuntworthy bollocks.



You are not Phil's son you camp freak! Stop trying to damage the reputation of C.o.M.H.'s man of the decade you boggle eyed cunt.



We're legally prevented from venting our true feelings about Cameron. Hopefully his appearance on this list goes someway to expressing them.


Smurfs are fucking dicks seriously. Stupid blue cunts who talk shit and act like fucking retards. I'd like to shove my smurfing foot right up your smurfer you smurfing smurf.




Britain's Got Talent apparently and this talent is spotted by botox faced cunt Amanda Holden... What the fuck? Seriously this creepy faced bitch has no talent.




For some reason the still born potato is the anchor for ITV's coverage of this years Soccerball Championships. He is of course an expert because he played for... oh no wait he's just a spud faced cunt that knows nothing about anything.




This fucking loud mouthed cock stain is listened to by millions of brain dead mongoloids. After suffering the misfortune of hearing his "hilarious" alternative commentary on a recent soccerball game with his cunty side kick Comedy Dave who is too much of a none entity to even appear on the cuntdown. Moyles you are a painfully unfunny cunt, your jokes appear and if this list proves anything it's that being fat and loud does not make you entertaining so fuck off back to Twatsville you fucking sweaty mongoloid.


The reason god created condoms. Fat, unfunny, yobbish prick. He betrayed his fellow fat people by appearing in a series of adverts that showed a fat man being bullied by filthy fucking gingers. This cunt now has a show about soccerball, as if Adrian Chiles wasn't bad enough we now have someone who would only be allowed to play in goal if he was even chosen to play. Fuck off Corden Gavin and Stacey was shit, you are shit and we all hate you. And let me give you this warning if you ever give Star Trek's very own Captain Picard any shit ever again we will all come and kick your cunty arse. Prick.




For a long time Radcliffe was C.o.M.H.'s all time biggest prick. He's still a shit actor and we're sure he'll be able to reclaim the top spot with the release of the final Harry Potter films.



Who else could could top the very first cuntdown? Yes Jordan (this week played by the Phantom of the Opera) continues to revolt the human race with her very existence.

D. C. I.S. A. F.I.N.G. C.N.T.

Hello dear readers and welcome to another adventure in my world of hate. This week we have a selection of Randy's Retards, another of my rants, another edition of Ask Grandpa, who I'd like to see return as a zombie and a brand new feature about history's biggest retards.



1. People who voted Conservative



What the fuck were you fucking thinking you brain dead fucking retards? You've handed over power to that pan faced cunt David Cameron who will ruin us all. This twat is only interested in screwing us over and as a nation you've all bent over and handed him the Vaseline well not me. Any law he passes I will break, every time he screws you over I will laugh. I'm packing my bags and moving where the Tories aren't welcome. Scotland here I come!


2. Old People


God I fucking hate old people. It's bad enough you don't have the fucking decency to die but then you insist on leaving your houses and getting in my fucking way everywhere I go. You smell of piss and offer nothing valuable to society. Why not just fuck off and die? And why is it that old people are like Pokemon? They have various levels of evolution. You've got your standard old person which can evolve in to a crippled old person that will travel around in one of those god damn battle tanks old people have. Well I say it's time we took out this menace once and for all. Let's kill the elderly and David Cameron whilst we're at it.


3. Gingers




Ginger people really make me sick. They are fucking disgusting and make me won't to vomit my soul out. You have no souls and no right to walk our streets. Maybe it's time we sent them all to live on an island together and then drop an A Bomb on the filthy fuckers.

4. Nick Clegg



We fucking believed in you you fucking cunt and you went and handed power to that testicle shitting mongoloid Cameron. I fucking hate you Clegg you smelly twat.





This week my rant is about you the people of Britain. There are 15 million or so of you that have really fucked us over and led the greedy fucking turd burglars known as The Conservatives to power. The rich will now get richer whilst the rest of us get completely fucked thank you so fucking much you brain dead fuckwits. May you catch AIDS and die slow painful deaths.




This week Mike from Sheffield asks "Is a custard cream just an albino Bourbon?"

Grandpa Maurice answers: "No."

#2 Brian Clough

Old big head could lead this country to world cup glory this summer and he would never have selected Graeme Le Saux.

#1 Joseph Smith

Mormon's are retarded and Joseph Smith is the Mormon king. What a fucking retard.

Let The Rant Begin

The following contains strong language that may offend some.

The views of Randolph Badger do not neccessarily represent the views of the CoMH.

Good day to you all Randy Badger here with my first proper entry here at my World of Hate. Apparently my views are too controversial for the core CoMH blog so they gave me my own blog to let me vent my anger at the world. Well I've only just started so I haven't had chance to recruit my own team so for now it's just me and what really pisses me off. Basically what's gonna happen is I have two sections Randy's Retards which is a bit like Dick's Pricks but without the nancy boy girly nice side of Dick's Picks and then there's Randy's Rant in which I really let rip with something that pisses me right off.


1. Adrian Chiles


The potato headed scrotum from the One Show really grates my fucking cheese. What the hell does this lopsided turd burger have to offer the world? I saw this prick talking to the director of that new movie Kick-Ass the other day. They were talking about how offensive this movie is 'cause it's got violence and a swearing child and what does this flaming nutsack say? I haven't seen it yet but I'm incredibly offended! Fuck off back to Greggs you pillock no one cares what you think. Tonight he was gushing over fucking hippies! He's a grade A wanker if you ask me.

2. Deafoes doing sign language on TV


So yeah I'm sat there in my underwear on a Sunday morning about to enjoy the Sunday omnibous of Hollyoaks when what do I see? That's right a deafo in the corner doing spassy hands which apparently deafies use to talk. They're not even in the corner properly, they shrink the picture down so the "signer" can stand in the corner yet they still manage to get in the way of what's going on. And I watch that bastards making his/her gestures and I'm sure they're just making it all up. Oh and if you're death don't watch TV read a book you dick.

3. James Corden


See last week's A Dose of Dick for details

This week: Self Service Checkouts

So basically you've created a machine that makes me do the job you paid some dumbass school drop out minimum wage to do before? I don't get paid for this but that former cashier is now paid to sit there and watch me do their job? Seriously what the fuck? I enjoy people who are thicker than me working as my slaves. I don't like having the tables turned on me fucko. I don't wanna serve myself that's what the stupid are for. Now sort it out.

Next time I'll have more rantastic goodies for you as I turn my hand to being an agony aunt. TTFN.